Show me how to love!
On learning about romantic relationships through friendships.
There’s this misconception that the only way to learn about love is to experience love, and the only way to experience love is to be in a romantic relationship. I, however, have learnt this is not the case by experiencing the strongest demonstration of love - friendship.
Recently I was out to dinner with a new friend and she was sharing this beautiful story of how at a real low moment with a failed talking stage, she admitted defeat, asking is it really that hard to take a girl out for a nice dinner! And to her surprise, a week later, her best mate had organised a special dinner reservation at a swanky restraunt.
It wasn’t the night of fine dining and getting dressed to the nines that made her feel complete. No. Rather, as I listened to her share this funny ol’ story, it became abundantly clear that what filled her with joy was far stronger than a fun night out. It was that her friend saw her, acknowledged her at her low, and went out of their way to make her feel loved.
And I think selfishly back to a time when I saw a guy who failed to make dinner plans then cancelled last minute. Instead of moping around feeling helpless, unloved, all alone, I called up my best friends, who, appalled by his behaviour, picked me up and took me out to dinner & drinks. If I can spend a night crying with laughter with my closest girlfriends, why on earth would I spend it crying over a boy?
What I’m trying to say is I take the love shown by my friends as exemplars for romantic partners. From surprise “just because” flowers to showing up with a care package when I’m sick, or supporting me at events to simply being a shoulder to cry on, my friends have been the greatest supporters in my life.
I have boxes of filled with little “i love you” and “thinking of you” notes under my bed, and endless bouquets of flowers on my bedside table. I have hundreds of film photos, and a million more memories that I will cherish forever. What I have, are the greatest friends in the world.
I am so incredibly grateful for for the beautiful friendships because I do believe it to be true, that we accept the love we think we deserve. And if we can surround ourselves with people who genuinely care for us, who make us laugh till our cheeks hurt, who expand our minds, who listen to every little complaint and every big dream, then it’s pretty difficult for some underserving loser to claim a place in our life.
I love loudly because that’s how I love my friends.
your friends are the ones who will open the door when you’re crying, listen through hiccups of sobs, and get you back up on your feet.
your friends are the ones who will dance and belt the lyrics of your favourite songs until the sun rises.
your friends are the ones who will surprise you for your birthday, flowers in hand, making you feel like the luckiest girl on earth.
your friends are the ones who will tell you to rip the bandaid off and just do it, and be beside you every step of the way.
your friends are the ones who will drag you out of bed and make you touch grass when all you want to do is rot away.
your friends are the ones who can clock a day dream vs an anxious spiral, and snap you back into reality.
and if you happen to be lucky enough, a special someone may come along and add to all of this, but they can never ever replace it.
However, I do want to add it is a two way street:
Be a cheerleader! Celebrate your friends be it a promotion, trying something new, a birthday, a breakup - it doesn’t matter, but it does matter.
Be a shoulder to cry on.
Show up. If you have the ability to, visit your friends when they move, make the effort.
Text first! Too many people are scared to reach out but that’s how the connection begins.
Be there when it matters most. Offer to pick them up from the airport or doctors, or watch their play or visit their exhibition.
There is nothing more beautiful in this world than friendship. And I happen to be surrounded by beauty every day.
Love you all endlessly,
Ella xoxoxo
Cried tears reading this... LOVE U
This is beautiful!!